Avoiding Abusive Relationships
Something that happens all too often these days is the rise of abusive relationships. They have always been in-existence, but many years ago, people didn’t discuss them. Once you were married, you were married for better or worse. Too many times it was, indeed, the death of one of the spouses that parted them. It was the reason for the death that made the situation so outrageous and so sad.
It’s better if these types of relationships are never begun. Believe it or not, there are ways to avoid ever becoming a part of one. Granted, you can’t always tell if you’re getting involved with a lunatic. Many times they hide it very effectively until they have you firmly under their control. That’s when you’ll see their true colors. However, there are nearly always some kinks in their carefully constructed armor that you can spot if you let yourself see it.
The first thing You will probably notice is a control issue. This typically comes into play a little at a time. It may surface the first time when you’re dressing to go out and he subtly suggests that a different outfit looks much better on you, or that HE prefers you in the red dress rather than the black one. If you give into that one, he will do it over and over again. You may not notice that first control trick but you should definitely pay attention if he starts to dictate your wardrobe all the time.
Another thing that is also a control technique is when he starts trying to slowly isolate you from your family and friends. He is usually smart enough to keep this to a minimum and use little things that keep you from realizing what his actual plan is. It may be something like telling you that he has a feeling that your parents, sister or your best friend does not really like him. Even though you haven’t noticed anything yourself, when you care enough about someone you don’t want to believe that they are lying to you. So you accept it as fact and put yourself on alert when you’re around the people that have been accused of not liking him.
Most likely, no one has ever said or done anything to make this guy think they don’t like him. He’s just trying to plant enough doubt in your head that you will believe only him and stay away from those people that don’t like him. This gets you right where he wants you: isolated and unprotected from whatever he may do to you next.
When you see these danger signs, It’s time to run, not walk, as fast and far as you can away from this man. It’s only going to get worse the longer you stay. The worst thing you can do is continue to stay involved with him under the impression that you can change him. That’s never going to happen. Things will only get worse the longer you stay. When you see any of these signs, It’s time to cut your losses and move on.
Be Yourself And Only Yourself
There are a lot of guys out there that have seen television shows and movies that have one of those dating guru type guys promising to get you any woman you ever wanted to fall madly in love with you. There are also websites that you’ve probably seen along with eBooks all over the internet that promise you the same things as well. While these gurus are making quite a lot of money with their promises, what they are not telling you is that it’s all a scam. They want you to give them their hard earned money so that they can go out and buy things while you sit at home reading their information.
For the most part, these guys promise you the world but very rarely ever deliver. In fact, if you actually look at what they are trying to sell you, you will find that all you have to do is go out and act like a jackass, and you will get laid every night of the week. The truth is, any woman that would fall for any guy that acts that way deserves the relationship she ends up with. If you want to have a real relationship, then you are going to have to be yourself.
Being yourself is one of the hardest and most important things that you can do in order to gain the trust that a relationship is based on. If you go into the beginning of a relationship with her thinking you are some flashy rich guy, and it turns out that you drive a Pinto and live in your mother’s basement, when she finds out you can pretty much kiss any chance of being with her again goodbye. Women don’t want to be lied to, even if it’s something small, and starting a relationship out this way will cause it to end very quickly.
All those gurus want you to ACT like you are confident when the truth is you should BE confident. There is no reason for you to act like you are confident it you really are not. The woman you are interested in is going to know right away if you have the confidence to be with her or not. Think of it as eating fast food your entire life and suddenly finding yourself in a 5 start French restaurant, ordering wine in French. The waiter is going to know that you are not from France, and she is going to know you are not confident.
The best thing to do is be truthful and honest with her. Tell her that you don’t have the money to go out to a fancy restaurant, then turn around and make a romantic picnic out of things you can afford. Do something small but elegant to show her who you are on the inside and you will find that it will impress her much more than trying to pull off the bad boy routine that you just paid $29.95 for online. The choice is yours, but making it the right choice is what she deserves from you.