It may be that segregation has been left in the dust from long ago, but there are still many people that continue to live in the past and clutch their biracial objections close their hearts. If you come from one of these families and have managed to avoid having their prejudices rub off on you; thatís commendable. However, it may be difficult to explain to your backwards family that youíve met someone of another race from yourself and that the two of you are in a relationship. Most likely, youíve been hiding this man from your family because of how you know theyíll react. Just donít wait until youíve set a wedding date before breaking the news to them, though.
As soon as you realize that this is a man that you see spending a long time with, maybe forever, itís time to start planning your strategy as to how youíll tell the family. One thing you can do immediately is start talking about him in glowing terms to your family. Tell them all about his great qualities as well as any significant achievements heís made in life. A great career is also a good thing to mention. Your family needs to know how well youíre treated by this guy and how happy you are with him. At first, youíll probably want to see where the relationship is headed before creating drama with your family. Just remember, though, that itís better to not keep something like this a secret for too long, particularly if this is a man that may become your husband.
Start out by introducing your boyfriend to more rational and tolerant family members. Maybe they can help you with introducing him to those family members that are NOT so amenable and have sealed minds when it comes to anything out of the ordinary such as biracial dating. Put together a nice dinner or gathering somewhere and invite these family members to meet your boyfriend. Tell them beforehand about him and the fact that heís of a different race than you. Also, re-emphasize the fact that heís wonderful. You may also want to tell them that youíve picked them to meet him first because you know theyíll be willing to get to know him without judging the two of you. If this meeting works out, youíll have some allies.
A lot of times, your boyfriendís winning personality will work alone to slowly win your family over. Something you may want to be prepared for, though, is that it may be that no matter how hard both of you try or how awesome he is, that there may be some family members that will never accept him. This may be something that youíll just have to deal with. Try to understand that ignorance abounds these days, even among your family members, and do what you can to move into your happy future. Donít let others judge your happiness. You should be allowed to have a future with the man thatís best for you no matter what his race.
Handling Holiday Breakups
While the majority of relationship endings are pretty miserable, those that happen during the holidays can be some of the worst imaginable. This is especially true for the partners that didn’t want the breakup. In fact, they usually never see it coming so it hits them like a wall when it happens. The timing on these breakups can also seem vindictive because you would think that waiting a few days isn’t that big of a deal.
When a holiday breakup happens, you may feel that there’s no way you can have a normal holiday. Obviously, you’re going to be unhappy and hurt. Everywhere you look may remind you of something to do with your ex and how happy you used to be. Yes, it can be very hard to enjoy the holidays when you’ve been dumped by someone with the worst timing in the world. However, there ARE ways to make it through the holiday season and come out on the other side somewhat unscathed.
First of all, consider the reason for the breakup. If it was just one of those silly fights that couples have caused by the stress that comes with the happy season, things will most likely be all patched up and fine by Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Yes, you’ll have a few moments in there where you’ll be unhappy and feel like you want to just die, or you want HIM to die, but once both of you realize what was really going on, things will work themselves out. On top of that, you’ll get to have some very amazing make up sex, which can only make the holidays even better.
Now, on the other hand, if he cheated on you or has met someone else he’s serious about, or for whatever reason, he’s just not in love with you anymore, those are going to be difficult situations to deal with ANY time of the year, let alone holidays. This is when you need a great support system around you. These can be your closest friends as well as family members that really care about you. Lean on them and accept whatever comfort they’re offering. Just remember that it’s the holiday season for them, too, and they probably kind of wanted to enjoy this time.
Donít hide up in your room or your home and refuse human contact. This is when you need it the most. it’s perfectly fine to grieve, but your goal is going to be getting through a few days before completely breaking down. There will be eleven months and three weeks to do that the rest of the year, if you really want to spend that much time mourning someone that apparently didn’t care all that much anyway. Do what you need to do to crawl through those holidays. Keep in mind not to do something totally stupid, though, like indulging in a series of ill-advised one night stands. Stranger sex isn’t going to heal you or even put a bandaid on your pain.
One more thing to consider is that you may have hooked up with one of those guys that simply breaks up around holidays, or special days, so that he doesn’t have to buy gifts. If that’s your ex, he’ll be back right after New Years. Just expect him to pick a fight again right before Valentine’s Day.